


Safe

by Chrystie, larryspangel



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-08-14 16:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8021278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chrystie/pseuds/Chrystie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryspangel/pseuds/larryspangel
Summary: “B-but, wouldn’t it make your life easier if I was gone? You always say I’m stupid and a nuisance and other things like that. You wouldn’t have to deal with me if I were gone. I’m not worth the pain and stress I cause you. Y-you would be happier without me…”
“No! Fuck no! I take it all back! You were never a nuisance."
Iwaizumi had never felt more desperate than in that moment, with tears running down his face and a trembling Oikawa in his arms.





	Safe

It had been a relatively normal Sunday. Iwaizumi had spent the better part of the day lazing around his house. He only deemed it necessary to leave when the sun was low enough for him to have his weekend dinner and shitty movie night with Oikawa. He’d gone to Oikawa’s house to meet up with him, like he always did, and found a note taped to Oikawa’s front door, scrawled in Oikawa’s chicken scratch handwriting.

_ Dear Iwa-chan, _

_ I’m guessing you’re here for dinner, but we won’t exactly be having it tonight. I guess technically never again unless that whole afterlife stuff is real. I can’t do it anymore Iwa-chan. I went to the doctors the other day and they told me that I shouldn’t play next year in college, they told me that I might not be able to walk properly again if I do.  _

_ It’s over, they’re going to take away my scholarship. I didn’t have any other plans besides volleyball. I didn’t even want to go to that school. The only reason I did is because I didn’t get any scholarships to the schools you wanted to go to. I just chose the closest one to you. I didn’t tell you that because I knew you would get mad.  _

_ You were probably excited to finally get away from me. You’ve been stuck with me for all these years, now you can finally enjoy your life. You always told me that I was a pain in the ass anyways. I hope you get your medical degree and I hope you find a nice wife and have kids one day. I hope you have a great life, Iwa-chan. I wish I could be there to see it.  _

_ I don’t think things are going to get any better. My knee is constantly in pain, my dreams aren’t going to happen, I’m constantly trying different medications to see which one will make my depression lessen, I don’t sleep, I’ve barely been eating, and the one person, who I care most about in the world, probably doesn’t care as much. I’m a bother to him and to everyone. Tell my mom that it’s not her fault, will you? Say goodbye to the team for me as well.  _

_ I’ll miss you Iwa-chan. _

_ Love, Oikawa _

Iwaizumi felt panic course through him as he bolted away from Oikawa’s house and towards the most likely place Oikawa could’ve gone. There weren’t many places that were secluded enough for Oikawa to attempt what he was apparently planning to do, and Iwaizumi doubted Oikawa would want to cause his parents the horror of finding their son dead in their very own house, which left Iwaizumi with only a few options as to where Oikawa could be.

His first guess was luckily the right one as he found Oikawa balanced precariously on the edge of the bridge they always ran across on their morning jogs. Oikawa’s feet slipped off the edge and he plummeted down towards the rushing water beneath it.

Iwaizumi had never felt so much panic in his life as he threw himself towards the railing of the bridge and managed to thankfully catch Oikawa’s wrist. “You fucking idiot!” Iwaizumi screamed, tears trailing down his face.

“I-Iwa-chan!?” Oikawa looked up at him with wide eyes. “What a-are you doing here”

“Keeping you from making a mistake is what I’m fucking doing here.” Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa up, only barely managing to get him back over the railing, and falling onto his back with Oikawa landing on top of him as he did so.

Oikawa quickly got up, trying to scramble over to the railing once again, only to be stopped by Iwaizumi grabbing his arm. “Let me go! Just let me fucking jump already, before I change my mind!” Tears streamed down Oikawa’s face as he tried to get out of Iwaizumi’s grip.

“The point  _ is _ to change your mind! You don’t need to do this!” Iwaizumi’s grip loosened only to pull Oikawa into a hug, his arms wrapping securely around his waist. “You don’t need to do this,” he repeated softly. 

Oikawa started sobbing into the crook of Iwaizumi’s neck. “E-everything hurts Iwa-chan, a-all the t-time. Why does it always hurt? W-what did I do w-wrong?”

Iwaizumi felt more tears form in his eyes, “Nothing,” he sobbed, his voice cracking, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“How do I-I make it stop hurting? I keep t-trying, but nothing seems to work. I just don’t want to feel it anymore. If I jump...I-I wouldn’t have to feel i-it anymore…”

“Let me help. In anyway I can,” Iwaizumi held Oikawa tighter to him, his fists scrunching in Oikawa’s shirt, “J-just please don’t jump.”

“B-but, wouldn’t it make your life easier if I was gone? You always say I’m stupid and a nuisance and other things like that. You wouldn’t have to deal with me if I were gone. I’m not worth the pain and stress I cause you. Y-you would be happier without me…” 

“No! Fuck no! I take it all back! You were never a nuisance. Nothing makes me happier than you and hearing your stupid ‘Iwa-chan’. I need you here.”

“Are you just s-saying that because you don’t want me dead or d-do you really mean it?” Oikawa asked, lifting his head up to look him in the eyes.

“Of course I mean it,” Iwaizumi sniffed, “Who keeps someone around their entire life if they don’t actually care about them?”

“But what happens when you find better friends in college? What happens when you get some gorgeous perfect girlfriend?”

Iwaizumi reached up to wipe off the remaining tears on Oikawa’s face with his thumb, “What does any of that matter if I don’t have the most important person in my life with me. I don’t need a girlfriend or college friends I’ll barely talk to. I just need my best friend.”

Oikawa blushed lightly. “When did you get so cheesy?”

“When I apparently needed to be to make you see reason.” Iwaizumi brushed Oikawa’s bangs back and sighed. Past the red rimming around his eyes from crying, Iwaizumi could see dark bags from probably countless sleepless night. “Let me take you home, Tooru.”

“I-I...I don’t really want to be alone right now. Do you think you could maybe stay over?”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you alone tonight.” Iwaizumi didn’t plan on leaving Oikawa’s side for at least a few weeks.

“Thank you…” Oikawa responded, quietly. 

The walk back to Oikawa’s house was silent, both of them still trying to calm down from what had just happened. Iwaizumi kept a hold on Oikawa the entire way back, whether it was just holding his hand or keeping an arm securely wrapped around Oikawa’s waist, Iwaizumi refused to let go. Reaching Oikawa’s house, Iwaizumi pointedly ignored the note that he had dropped on Oikawa’s doorstep during his haste before and lead Oikawa inside to his bedroom. 

Oikawa sat himself down onto the bed, looking at the floor in silence. After everything that had just happened, he wasn’t really sure what to say. 

Iwaizumi was more or less the same. He wasn’t too sure what to say but felt like he needed to say  _ something _ . He sat down next to Oikawa and placed a hand on his knee, “Do you… need anything? Want something to drink or maybe eat?”

He shrugged, still silently looking at the floor.

Iwaizumi sighed and got up to pull out a pair of Oikawa’s pajamas, placing them on Oikawa’s lap. “You can sleep instead, if you want.”

Oikawa got up, put on his pajamas, then returned to sitting on his bed. “Iwa-chan?” He finally said.

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi knew he probably sounded a little too eager, but it was the first thing Oikawa had said since they’d gotten back to his house and Iwaizumi was still worried that he hadn’t been able to convince Oikawa earlier on the bridge.

“Can I have a hug?” He asked, softly.

Iwaizumi felt a small smile tug at his lips and sat down next to him to pull him into his arms. “You know you don’t need to ask.”

He nodded, relaxing into Iwaizumi’s arms. “I’m really lucky to have you in my life…”

“And you couldn’t get rid of me even if you tried. You’re stuck with me.”

“What about next year? When we’re in different schools? I know it’s only a two hour train ride, but still. You’ll be busy with new friends and a girlfriend and classes.”

Iwaizumi pulled back slightly to look Oikawa in the eyes, “I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t plan on getting one,” he really didn’t get why Oikawa kept insisting that he would. “Whatever you need, call me. I’ll try my damnedest to be there, especially if you ever feel like this again. For the love of God, please call me if you ever feel like this again.”

“I-I’ll try to call next time. And what do you mean you aren’t planning to get one? You are going to have girls all over you in college. Have you seen your face!? You are going to need a bodyguard of something.” 

“Aren’t you the one that’s always calling me a gorilla?” Iwaizumi chuckled, “You’re the one that everyone swarms.”

“Yeah, but they’re just high school girls. They swarm me because of volleyball and my face. College girls, on the other hand, are gonna see how smart, handsome, and athletic you are. My ‘fangirls’ just like to look at me and scream.”

“I can see why they like your face though. I like it too. It’s nice.” Normally Iwaizumi would’ve been too embarrassed to ever admit that, but given the circumstances, he didn’t think his embarrassment mattered too much.

Oikawa gave him a small smile. “At least I have that going for me then? Once my knee shatters completely, I can go into modeling to support myself financially. Oh! If that doesn’t work out there is always stripping and maybe even prostitution. I have new goals now! Who needs the second most important thing in your life when you can sell your body to creepy men!”

“Um...” A lot of that made Iwaizumi immensely uncomfortable. “Maybe try to stick with modeling first. But you know you’re a lot more than just a pretty face right? Your grades are better than mine and you somehow master everything you take an interest in. You’re gonna be fine.” Iwaizumi moved them further onto the bed to lay down, pulling Oikawa back into his arms. He didn’t think they’d be moving for a while.

Oikawa cuddled in close. “I think I’m going to still play next year...I know it’ll shatter my knee, but I don’t want to give it up just yet. I don’t mind if my walking’s gonna be a bit off for the rest of my life, I just want to play volleyball. Maybe it’s possible to play with a shattered knee too. There’s always pain medication. I mean, I’d probably have to take a lot of strong stuff, but it might be worth the liver issues it’d cause. I just want to be able to keep playing…”

Iwaizumi was conflicted on what to say about that. He didn't want to tell him to stop playing, volleyball was just too important in his life, but he definitely didn't want to encourage Oikawa into hurting himself. He ran a hand through Oikawa’s hair more as a mindless distraction than anything else. “I don't want to tell you to stop playing volleyball, but at least promise me you'll be careful on your knee. I don’t want to hear you broke it by playing too hard when I’m not there to watch you.”

“If I don’t play hard, you know that Ushiwaka will get even better. I’m not having him beat me in college as well.”

Iwaizumi frowned. “If you break yourself from trying to beat him then it doesn't mean anything.” He trailed his hand down to try and massage Oikawa’s knee but with their position, could only reach his thigh. “You deserve to walk just as much as he does.”

He shrugged. “If that’s the only way I can beat him, I guess I’ll have to.”

Iwaizumi glared at Oikawa and his grip on his thigh tightened.

“What? Sometimes bad things have to happen in order for you to achieve your goals.”

“You’re hopeless,” Iwaizumi sighed. “Don’t think I’m not gonna be checking up on you to make sure you’re not breaking yourself next year.”

“I guess we’ll just have to see what happens?” Oikawa responded, nonchalantly. 

“I should hit you,” there was no real bite behind Iwaizumi’s words, not when he was snuggling closer to Oikawa.

Oikawa stuck his tongue out at Iwaizumi, teasingly. “I’m too pretty to hit.” 

Iwaizumi’s hand left Oikawa’s leg to pinch his nose, “Funny how often you get hit then, isn’t it?”

“Hey, you're the only one who hits me! Everyone else appreciates my beautiful face. People wouldn't punch the Mona Lisa and my face is just as much of a work of art as that painting.” 

“Art my ass, and I’m the only one who can hit you. I’ll beat up anyone else who tries.” Iwaizumi inwardly felt himself relax. He knew Oikawa wasn’t feeling completely better yet but he was making progress. He had to be if Oikawa could joke around like he usually did.

“Thank you Iwa-chan, not for the beating up thing, but for being my friend. You’re the most important person in my life and I owe a lot to you. I seriously don't know how you put up with me for so many years,” he chuckled sadly, “It's impressive, really.” 

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa’s forehead a light flick, “I don’t just put up with you. I actually like spending time with you. I think that’s a requirement to be someone’s friend. You’re the most important person in my life too, so stop thinking that you don’t matter.”

“Promise?” Oikawa held his pinky out for Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi huffed a laugh and gently bumped his forehead against Oikawa’s, “What are you? Five?” He still hooked his pinky with Oikawa’s regardless, “I promise.”

He let out a sigh, keeping his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. “Funny, I would have expected for your forehead to be more wrinkly with all that brooding you do.”

“I’m more likely to get stress lines from taking care of you,” Iwaizumi muttered, “I’d rather take care of you than not though.”

Oikawa reached up and stroked Iwaizumi’s cheek gently. “My hero,” he chuckled.

Iwaizumi took Oikawa’s hand in his, letting them rest on the side of his face, and smiled. “I better be,” he joked.

“You were the one, who saved me from all the gross bugs you caught when we were little; you’ve always been my hero.” He let out a small giggle followed by a yawn. 

“You shouldn’t have gone near them if you were scared. Now,” Iwaizumi sighed, “I think we got in bed so you could sleep.” Iwaizumi could really see how tired and worn out Oikawa was. His eye bags were terrible, much worse than Iwaizumi had ever seen them. Oikawa likely hadn’t slept in the past few days either which added to his exhaustion. 

“You’ll stay with me, right?” 

“Yeah. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Oikawa pulled the blankets over them and snuggled up to him. 

Iwaizumi combed his fingers through Oikawa’s hair to relax him and lull him to sleep. When he finally heard his breathing even out, Iwaizumi breathed a sigh. He pressed a light kiss to the top of Oikawa’s head and held him as close as possible without waking him. Iwaizumi was still shaken from the whole experience despite the calm he needed to exude to help Oikawa. He’d never been more scared in his life. He didn’t think he’d be joining Oikawa in falling asleep anytime soon.

* * *

The next morning, Oikawa woke up with a start, panicking and shaking badly.

Iwaizumi, who had fallen more into a daze during the sleepless night, jumped slightly at Oikawa’s sudden wake up. “Hey, I’m right here, Oikawa. You’re alright,” he spoke softly, a hand placed gently on Oikawa’s cheek to get him to look at him.

He started crying, shaking his head. “C-can’t do this, c-can’t…”

Iwaizumi immediately sat up, pulling Oikawa up with him and propping him against the wall. “Oikawa, you need to calm down and breathe.” 

“W-why am I st-still here?” He cried harder, hyperventilating. 

“Oh god.” Iwaizumi knew Oikawa’s mom had left things in his room in case something like this happened again after the first time. He quickly rummaged through Oikawa’s bedside drawer to find a very used paper bag and moved to hold it over Oikawa’s face.

Oikawa held onto Iwaizumi’s arm tightly as he breathed in and out. After a few minutes, his breathing started to regulate again. 

When Iwaizumi was sure Oikawa was fine and his breathing was normal, he put the bag down and drew Oikawa into a tight hug, letting his tears fall. “You’re still here ‘cause you’re not allowed to leave me, dumbass.” 

“So I have until you get a wife?” Oikawa asked, quietly. 

“God, you’re so stupid.” Iwaizumi lifted him face off of Oikawa’s now tear stained shirt and pressed his lips against Oikawa’s.

Oikawa didn’t move, trying to process what was happening. It was when Iwaizumi started moving away that Oikawa finally started kissing back, pulling him in close.

Iwaizumi let Oikawa kiss him breathless as his fingers threaded through his hair. He slowly pulled back after a moment and leaned up to press another soft kiss against Oikawa’s forehead. “I thought I told you I didn’t want a girlfriend.”

“How was I supposed to know that meant you liked me? Y-you do like me, right?” Oikawa asked, nervously. 

“Yes, I like you,” Iwaizumi sighed, “A lot, and for a while now,” he added.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” 

“I didn’t want to give you another thing to stress about if you didn’t feel the same way. You already worry about too much.”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t? Come on Iwa-chan, everyone could tell. Ushiwaka even pointed it out to me one time.”

Iwaizumi felt his ears heat up and looked away from Oikawa’s gaze, “Shut up. I just didn’t notice.”

Oikawa reached out to run a hand through Iwaizumi’s hair. “You’re cute when you blush.”

“Shut up,” Iwaizumi repeated, blushing harder.

He chuckled and kissed Iwaizumi softly on the nose. “Cutie.”

“Yeah well, are you gonna stop telling me I’ll get a girlfriend and forget about you now?” Iwaizumi pressed a chaste kiss to Oikawa’s lips, “Or are you not convinced?”

“I think I need a bit more convincing, Hajime.” He smirked at him. 

Iwaizumi huffed a chuckle and kissed him again, slowly licking his way into his mouth. He pulled Oikawa away from the wall only to gently push him back down onto the bed.

Oikawa wrapped his legs around Iwaizumi’s waist, kissing him back with fervor.

“We can’t do too much,” Iwaizumi managed to say in between kisses, “Your mom’s still home.” Iwaizumi also just wanted to be careful. He didn’t want to go too fast considering everything that had happened.

“I know, I know. You’ll have me one day though, right?” Oikawa asked, lightly drawing circles on Iwaizumi’s back.

“As many times as you want,” Iwaizumi chuckled.

Oikawa gave him a small smile and pulled Iwaizumi down to kiss him again, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against his.

Iwaizumi hummed in satisfaction, happy to just be able to keep Oikawa safe and close to him.

* * *

Past their newly formed relationship and all of the kisses, cuddles and sex that came with it, Iwaizumi was adamant to never let the events that lead up to the moment they got together ever happen again.

The sources for Oikawa’s stress still bore down on him and his knee needed constant care and attention. Iwaizumi kept a constant eye on Oikawa and barely ever left his side. He, of course, also told Oikawa’s parents about what Oikawa had tried to do. They deserved to know and they made Iwaizumi’s self assigned task of taking care of Oikawa a bit easier. They kept watch over Oikawa and his health when Iwaizumi couldn’t.

Iwaizumi had actually expected Oikawa to grow tired and frustrated at Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s parents for being overbearing, and Iwaizumi definitely knew he was being overbearing, but Oikawa didn’t. In a way, it looked like he kind of appreciated the attention. Maybe it was because he liked being taken care or maybe it was because of the fact that now whenever Iwaizumi stayed over, they ended up naked in bed, and with how much he clung to Oikawa, Iwaizumi ended staying over most days of the week.

As weeks and months passed, Iwaizumi could definitely say he didn’t regret looking after Oikawa with the intensity that he did. Slowly but surely he could see Oikawa’s smiles become more genuine again, his laughs become less hollow, the bags underneath his eyes disappearing, and he was starting to gain back the weight he had lost from not eating.

Oikawa was in no way completely better. He still woke up with panic attacks some nights and he still had days where he felt like completely giving up, but he was getting there, and that was all Iwaizumi needed.


End file.
